It goes without saying but every woman has the right to do whatever she wants to her hair without consulting anyone. However, when you’re in a relationship, you inevitably take on a sometimes, unsolicited second opinion about life, love and yes, even hair.
Your significant other, by default, becomes your decision-making partner and may lovingly feel the need to weigh in on what they believe is best for you, even when the decision is about your personal appearance.
My question is, do we really care what our partners think when it comes to changing our hair?
If i’m being totally honest, my answer is yes. For me, my husband’s, opinion absolutely matters when changing my hair but let’s be clear, his opinion is not a deciding factor.
For example, one week after my husband and I got married, I decided that I was going to cut my hair. Not just my usual trim. I was going to hire someone to buzz down my beloved fro to a brush-cut. Faded sides, lined up edges and all. Now, I’d mentioned this idea to him before but never actually did it or even come close to it. I don’t think he thought I’d ever do it but I’d decided the time was now! I was going to chop it all off.
When you’re in a relationship, you inevitably take on a sometimes, unsolicited second opinion about life, love and yes, even hair.
To add some context, my hair hadn’t been healthy for awhile and I knew cutting it was best for me but I also knew that my now husband, previously loved my longer natural hair. I remembered how he used to run his fingers through it, tug at it and complement its growth.
In his defense, he’s never made a fuss about me changing my appearance. I’ve come home with short hair, long hair, weaved hair, red hair, and tons of unplanned styles without seeking his approval, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care what he thought or that I wasn’t silently hoping he’d love my new hair expression when he walked through the door. He’s ultimately very supportive and an advocate for my happiness but this was all new. This marriage was new and so was this hair.
To kick off the process I made the first cut. Stretching my coils to my collarbone, I snipped the first loc of hair and then the second. The madness continued from there. Snip! Snip! Snip! I felt so free. I starred in the mirror, admiring the nakedness that was my face. I loved it, but after starring for a minute longer I began to wonder, would he? I thought, I’ve been married one week. Am I already messing things up?
The independant, pro-feminist in me hollered back, “Hell no!”, “You do what you want, it’s your hair!”, and I was right. It was my hair and I wasn’t, “messing up” anything by making the best decision for myself but the reality still remained that I cared.
The next time my husband saw me, to my surprise, he wasn’t taken aback at all. He ran his hand over my nearly bald head, just as he’d done when I had a head full of cottony hair, kissed me on the forehead and smiled. He told me I looked great in a tone that said he was proud of me for doing what I thought was best.
Without knowing, he taught me so much in that moment. He taught me that it didn’t really matter what he thought because when it came to my hair, it was an extension of my well-being. He also helped me to believe in him and his ability to support me in my decisions.
At the end of the day, your partner’s opinion matters when changing your appearance but more importantly, your partner’s ability to support you matters most. If you can you trust him to put your happiness first, then every hair-style you ever choose will be backed with their love and support.