Dating and Natural Hair: When To Get Comfortable

dating and natural hair

About 3 years ago I decided to start embracing my natural hair. That meant no more flat ironing. I was going to wear my curls proudly. Rocking a wash ‘n’ go in public for the first time was a little tough for me. I was nervous. Does it look ok? Did I use the right product? I didn’t know any other naturals and was relying on what I saw on YouTube tutorials to see if I was “doing it right”.

To my surprise my first compliment on my natural hair was from a man. “I like you hair” he said. Men like natural hair? Yes, they do believe it or not. Not all men like adorn weaves or relaxers. Some men actually prefer natural hair.

Over time I noticed the more I embraced my natural hair the more attention I got, it made me standout. My hair was a conversation starter. I’d be in line at my local drug store and have a man say “your hair is beautiful”. Or at the grocery store and having a man say “cool hair”. We sparked up a conversation and before you know it he’s asking for my number. What shocked me the most was that most of the compliments that I received were from Caucasian men, but why?

Often times he’ll call and ask what are my plans for the weekend and when I say ‘doing my hair’, you can hear the confusion in his voice when he says ‘all weekend?’

What did they know about natural hair, why did they like it? Was it the texture, the thickness, the versatility of it? So I asked and the majority of men said that they don’t see too many women embracing natural hair and they felt that it’s what makes her unique. It shows that she’s bold, fearless and confident. I’d have to agree with them! Embracing my natural hair came at a time when I was single but I could never have predicted how men may react to my hair when I started dating again.

I remember meeting my date for dinner one night, at the time he had only seen me with a wash n go. He told the hostess he was look for a woman with big curly hair, little did he know my hair was in a bun that night. He had never seen me with my hair pulled back before. It sort of threw him off a bit but he liked it and appreciated the different look and that he could see my face more. After a few dates he got used to the fact that I changed my hair often and that my hair style could vary from time to time. The versatility of natural hair is amazing. There’s rod sets, wash n go’s, twist outs, braid outs etc. A natural can change her look like the weather.

Often times he’ll call and ask what are my plans for the weekend and when I say “doing my hair”, you can hear the confusion in his voice when he says “all weekend?” Ok maybe not all weekend. However, natural hair is a lot a work, pre-pooing, washing, deep conditioning and styling all in one day. He’s never dated a natural before so I had to educate him on how my hair regimen works. He now understands what wash day means, so he gives me a day or two notice when he wants to do certain activities. Spontaneous date nights are fun, but not when you’re in the middle of a twist out.

So you ask yourself bonnet or no bonnet? When is the right time in the relationship to start wearing it? Most of us fear what he’s going to think.

So you’ve been dating your special someone for a few weeks and you’ve become more comfortable in the relationship. So you ask yourself bonnet or no bonnet? When is the right time in the relationship to start wearing it? Most of us fear what he’s going to think.

We all know the bonnet isn’t sexy but it keeps the hair looking good and its one of the ten commandments of being natural. Thou shalt wear your bonnet ever night. Although I’m sure most men would prefer if you went without it. Everyone is different so it all depends on you. If you’re not quite there yet try sleeping on a satin pillow case. I must admit I’m guilty of ditching the bonnet once. But if he is really into you he won’t care.

Although I’ve had a pretty good experience dating while natural I know that’s not the case for everyone. At the end of the day do what makes you happy. It’s your hair and you can do with it as you see fit no matter what stage you’re at on your natural journey. Different men like different things. Don’t let negative attention or rude remarks from men or women change how you feel about your hair. Men love confident woman so embrace your natural hair and if he’s not feeling it I say ditch him, you don’t need that type of negativity in your life anyway.

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